June 03, 2008

Ramblings of a Bride

I don't see myself as being overweight. I see myself as being unfit. out of shape. A little "uncomfortable". This is, until the day we bought a scale. The scale makes me look at myself differently - in a more harsh light.
I guess if I really sat down and thought about the changes in my body over the past four years, I would say HOLY COW! Where did all that come from?! But I don't really think about it. When my pants don't fit, I buy new ones. A dress too snug? Buy spankies. Or donate it. Never has been a problem. Until now.
I am beginning to dislike myself for this. What has become of me? I am not even in a self-pitying mood, but I can honestly say there has never been a point in my life where I didn't like myself....and 27 years (almost!) later - I am reaching that point...and I don't like it one bit.

So how do I change this? Well, I already own a library full of self help books - how to love yourself, how to gain control, You are worth something...the list could go on and on. I already sought out someone to talk with at points in my life.
The more I feel I am emotionally stable, the less healthy I am...does that make sense?

I decided I don't want to be that person that looks back and lived their 20s hiding themselves behind giant dresses and clothes that are too snug, too tight or altogether too manysizes too big.

Who have I become? I don't know. But I am trying to find that person again, that I personally found so endearing. Because she is trapped in this body. A body that is altogether too large for her......

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